Lots of good stuff here, and I really like your writing style.

Years ago when I was seeking God, the one thing I did not want was any sort of fakery or pretense.

My only experience with the pentacostal church was a pastor tellng me I had to just do it - fake it - at first and then the holy spirit would take over. I never went back.

But its like you said, its a work of the Spirit. Its not something we conjure up.